Sunday, February 18, 2007

I am craving, I am thinking of relapsing

I am craving! My addict mind is playing tricks on me again. I would like to go out this afternoon and have some drinks with friends. 50% chance I will do it. I am on the brink of relapsing today.

There is an ongoing conflict with my wife for 2 days now. I am going out this afternoon and I will look for some friends to have some drink.

Sounds familiar? My addict mind is playing tricks on me again. An addict always looks for opportunities to relapse. At the first sign of an opportunity, he/she will relapse. What are these opportunities? A big fight with the wife? Problem at work? Financial difficulties? Major problem? Even minor problem?

For an addict, there are myriads of reasons to relapse. Any addict can come out with just any excuse in this world to go back to his old ways. Done that. Been there. I have used all the creative excuses I can create to just indulge myself back into my addiction.

When I am in this situation, when I am thinking of relapsing, I just pray to God to help me. The Sobriety Prayer comes in handy in this case.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference

There are certain things in this world that we cannot change. The attitudes of our co-workers, nagging of wife, cousins who tell negative things about you. No matter what we do we cannot change them. No amount of pressure will change my wife to stop nagging. She has been like that for years. We cannot change the world, dirty politics, the crazy-driving jeepney drivers, policemen who expect to be bribed in every opportunity. The world we live in is not perfect so why fret and get frustrated. Just accept it as it is.

But not everything is out of control though. We can change ourselves. Traverse the right direction instead of going the wrong route. The serenity prayer focuses on the courage to changing ourselves. It is not easy especially in the case of an addiction but it can be done. By knowing things that we can and cannot change, by having the wisdom to know which ones we can change or can't change, we will have peace of mind, the serenity to go thru life's daily challenges.