Thursday, February 1, 2007

I feel so weak, life is so dull (One month into sobriety)

Almost a month without having tasted alcohol, I feel so depressed, bored, and weak. The craving is gone, but general body weakness is present in me. Just two days ago, I got slight fever due to tonsilities. I am just recovering now.

I discussed this with my wife. I told her I feel so weak these days. Life is so dull. We've been theorizing that because I became so dependent with alcoholic drinks for more 20 years and then suddenly removing those behavior- and mood-altering drinks will really make me depressed and weak. Again, this might be withdrawal syndrome. One month into sobriety I feel lifeless. I pray that this feeling shall come to pass.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference

Three days ago, my wife and I had a little altercation (word war). I was almost thinking of relapsing at that time. I did not attend Alcoholic Anonymous meeting because I will only use that meeting as an excuse to relapse. I stayed home, prayed hard. Thank God, He gave me the strength not to relapse. Praying really works and surrendering to God that you are helpless to battle your addiction alone.

In the past I tried several times not to succumb to alcohol but I always failed. Will is strong but the flesh is weak, as they say. I've never been this sober ever in my life (except of course when I was in my pre-teens. One month is so long to be sober. But as they say in AA, live one day at a time. For new recovering addicts, live one hour at a time.